I was stunned reading about three suicides in one week in our state. The equally devastating reality was all three of them were raised in financially higher bracket families.
One woman in her early thirties, reasonably employed, well-paid job but recently divorced. She took the extreme step by jumping off from the fifth floor of her office. The next individual was too irrational. A medical post-graduate, married, her husband too a doctor, she took her life by injecting an overdose of a sedative. The third was a boy of seventeen, plunged from his college building – the excuse- unable to take the pressure of exams.
I can understand the pain they have experienced in their darkest hour.
Once the act is committed their burdens end in one go. But what about the loved ones they have left behind.
For them, in their weakest moment, everyone looks to be selfish, help never comes fast, and even the family and friends make only empty noises. This is the naked reality most of us would certify.
Low on hope and pessimism dominating their every effort: They believe their lives have no chance of getting any better. In one defeating moment, they end their lives. Shutting the door permanently, on their silent burdens, struggles, pains.
For their parents, wives/husbands, and children – pain will be a part of their lives – forever.
The question: Is this only way one can think about fixing an end to their temporary problems. To commit suicide and bring in a permanent agony for those who are left behind recollecting the tragedy every moment of their lives.
I don’t think so. Here is my story – a roller –coaster of true life experiences – good and bad.
And the solution I have recognized in my long crusade of understanding and grooming, the power and ability of self-esteem. The transformation it has brought about in me – both psychologically and emotionally.
Personally, speaking about my own woeful experiences and dwelling upon so many stressful incidents. The thought of suicide crossed my mind several times.
Even in my most cowardly moments, I was wary in reasoning, “What about my family, who would take care of my children,” Often, shook me to realize, “I know I’m the only one for them to lean upon for everything”? There was always a battle of arguments, negative, on one side and moral duties pulling me on the other side. To a suicidal mind, this tends to be the weakest moment: to strike a balance and gain control of the sinking feeling is the thin line between to live or to give up.
But my inner voice was spectacularly stubborn, always screaming, “You have many options to regain what you have lost. You have the support of your wife, many resources behind you, just think rationally, everything is not lost, it’s a matter of time everything will be back on your plate. You need to be damn heroic until then”.
My mission, “If they lost me, my absence would push them into the worst situations”. Hence, I decided to fight back and restore the comfort. It is my rightful responsibility to rise above everything and seek my bearings and give them happiness”. I told to myself, “With every minute I breathe; I have to protect them in spite of all my hardships”
My daily metal agenda would be like this, “I have to be happy, and I have to stay calm. I must muster all my gallant inner abilities. And I have to work to mobilize these resources as much as I can each day. The more I rally around them, their presence would bring on buoyancy in my views, grit in my actions, and self-assurance in me”. Evidently, I regarded the same sentiment needs to be shared by all my family members. And I know, “I can share and give them just whatever I have in me the strongest”.
I’m apprehensive, at first, that I have pushed myself into an unpredictable realm. I’m mindful that to translate my self-declaration to a workable courage I need a clearer sense of identity. I need to explain to myself what my core efficiency is. I have to put in place my vision, speak about my values. Rate my confidence. Meanwhile, many fears kept popping up, like, “I may be confident but if my wife wasn’t sure and doubts, if I really have toughness packaged in me or it is only skin-deep”. Or, “What if my children question the veracity of my tenacity”?
SELF-ESTEEM AND ME
With this confused narrative hanging in my pastIstudied and started building brick by brick the essential elements of a healthy self-esteem.
Basically, presence and understanding of self-esteem work like a “self-clocking-alarm bell”. Deeply placed in us its usefulness varies upon how much trust we have in ourselves. The higher we trust that we are capable of success: it helps us to become one. If we assume we lack the mental know how to enjoy success: it also tunes us to look at a failure. In many of our daily portrayals, our self-esteem works like a physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual mirror.
If I feel good about myself I tend to look at a healthy image. If I think that I’m in the lousy mood – so will I tend to perceive my reflection? In what manner I wish to frame myself in the mirror, is what our grasp of the healthy self-esteem in us all about.
A few years later, I have noticed decisive changes in me, in my life, in my work and how I’m connected in the social circles. “My life is important and the priority, in order to bounce back, I need to be happy and peaceful first” this is the first principal I started applying and honoring. Whatever I dealt with every day, staying composed, staying tolerant was my meditative mantra.
Many people I came across, they seemed more qualified to complain. I find in them a sad sense of deficiencies – in one form or another. Some kind of concern: of guilt, or shame or inferiority: a clear absence of trust of who they are? Absolutely clueless who is controlling them. I mark a clear case of lack of self-acceptance, self-trust, and self-love. All hints apparent in them confirmed a dynamic of low self-esteem in action.
As I became more convinced about the precursors of the self-esteem, I started using the insights as an emotional leaning wall, playing a supportive role in all my daily dealings. The spin-off: a blend of relief and lightness of mind and the liabilities: the days seemed like easy and fair. Hopefulness bounced on my nerves again!
In times of extreme turmoil, the emotional cushioning of self-esteem worked for me like ‘a bullet-proof vest’. Here the bullets are my most oppressive problems. Sincerely trusting along with many of its multiple helpful abstractions, its usefulness nurtured deep into my psyche. The benefits: quite encouraged I began to think subjectively, and helpfully, granted me a sense of self-fulfillment. Thrust into a hug of strong faith: I’m felt self-assured of my flair, stayed on to look ahead for days of happy and peaceful forecasts.
The person with poor self-esteem may doubtingly suspect people of high self-esteem that they are cheerful, confident, and secure. Success simply adores them. Despair, defeat, anxiety never touched them. They never saw the darkness of demoralization. Many deem them as highly gifted and lucky people.
Anyone who can run cannot become an Olympic sprinter. If we dream about entering into the Olympic arena we need to add to our running pair of limbs: practice, sacrifice, persistence. A clear vision and happy and peaceful mind to visualize success every minute, every day until the goal was attained. It’s not luck as many interpret it. We have to see as a healthy self-esteem in its full action.
The mindset of high-esteemed people has altogether a fresh self-assured aura. What makes them heroic is the belief that, “I’m not free of any anxiety, I’m aware of all the vagaries of life. And I’m willing to endure the force of their latent pains and struggles”. I too have added this approach to the chant of my daily meditations.
Further, in my self-proclaimed ethos, I also included, “I would never sacrifice my love to my family, never diluted the values in the work setting”. I have learned to tolerate uncertainties. I was at ease when I accepted the struggles as a part of the pursuit of what I wanted to accomplish. This is what I call psychological heroism – a prominent feature seen in high self-esteemed individuals. And they are predisposed to enjoy the quest they have adopted. To defeat any mental snag that comes their way.
Preparing myself to set difficult goals and taking responsibility for my own growth. Admitting my weaknesses, believing anxiety is a positive emotion. Start to work with the balance to avoid road-blocks and other factors of constraints. Believing that it takes faith to tolerate uncertainty and failure as a possibility and suffering bouts of depression. Finally, if I asked a question to myself, “Is this the price I have to pay for achieving my goals and the answer would be a ‘Yes’.
With high self-esteem, I found out that I’m more likely to persist in the face tougher situations and unexpected difficulties. Eventually, it became evident, looking at the ease with which I have solved my problems.The fact clear to me was: if I persevere I’m likely to see chances of success than the risk of a failure.
These are the essential features of high self-esteem I have made integral in my day to day dealings. I have accepted the process of struggles as part of life. I have boldly adapted to learn to face the darkest moments of anguish. My daily steps motivated by confidence than motivated by insecurity. The forward swiftness motivated by understanding than motivated by fear. Gaining these insights and learning the agility of these attitudes. The self-esteem in me has settled getting along with critical issues with a higher optimistic-force. Converted me to know the boldness of acceptance of what I’m worth and what I’m living for.
Thus I have acquired enough confidence to face all the worrisome challenges that I’m involved constantly. By now self-esteem in me has matured as my internal motivator. In the end, it started playing a role as an emotional compass to award direction to my voice and choice.
WHAT IS THAT SELF-ESTEEM REVEALS TO US
Let’s suppose we stand before a full-size mirror and wonder about these questions:
Am I happy with myself? Can I trust my mind? Am I competent as I think? Am I enough? Am I a good person? Does my family trust me as much I think they do? Do I think I have integrity? Am I convinced in my life that there is compatibility with my Ideals and what I practice?
The answers depend upon the three basic facts that are unique to human species.
The awareness that our lives, our well-being depends upon the appropriate use of our consciousness: our ability to think.
Being aware that right use of consciousness is not automatic like our heartbeat it is not self-regulated. Our consciousness – our thinking habits are directly linked to the personal responsibility we accept to specific outcomes in our life – it is our individual trait to consider them as correct or incorrect.
The third: The appreciation of how our decision making ‘mind’ operates. See with awareness to recognize it as the seat of our reasoning, our core essence of success. Whatever we are today is the product of our mind. Whatever way we tend to understand; compared to our other body systems, our mind tends to operate differently: Independently.
Our minds functioning specialty is like this:
Our minds do not pump knowledge as our heart pumps blood, when and as needed.
Our minds do not automatically guide us to act on our best, to give us the perfect end result.
Our minds function in almost all circumstances disguised as ‘our consciousness’. We are inherently having the choice of turning the searchlight of our consciousness brighter or dimmer. The option is open in our hands.
The catch here to look at my attitude on making good choices: choosing to think or not think. If I want to be hopeful or stay miserable, to seek active solutions or confine to lazy sulking; to confront any issue head on or be an idler, to be ambitious or lead an unmotivated lifestyle. Whatever the decisions I make the freedom to deal and the responsibility is mine whatever the consequences come with those decisions. Happiness and success are the end results of choices I make. The secret is that the operation of my consciousness stays within my power to act as my free will chooses.
This power of freedom, that I enjoy every day, has enormous influence, spells far-reaching consequences in my life in general, and also to all my subsequent accomplishments in particular. This is the main bedrock of healthy self-esteem I have cultivated over the years.