I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV screen. I read the news the previous day in the local newspapers. A teenaged girl, an engineering graduate approached a local police station. The complaint: a group of three boys molested her. She suffered abuse for more than six months. Unbelievably, the whole trauma they have pictured and threatened to post in social media. She was helpless and driven to the wall when the boys demanded ten lakhs ransom to erase the photos. The tormented young woman finally, found guts to approach the police.
The accused, the three teenagers seemed well educated. From the news I have gathered they are engineering graduates and well placed in their jobs. Perhaps, grew up in decent households.
The TV screens were streaming the visuals of the young boys paraded in the police station. Their heads covered by black hoods. Why shouldn’t the police reveal the identity of the offenders? When were they least shameful to perpetuate the most monstrous act against a fellow female youngster?
‘Frightening and scary’ are the images flashed on the TV. There is a frame of intimidating presence of armed police personnel. Then the ‘convict’ students’ black hoods over their faces; shuddering and standing behind them. As if the next step is to lead them to ‘gallows.’
My thoughts promptly went over to the mental embarrassment of hitting hard their parents, brothers, sisters, and neighbors. They would have almost died with this public shaming of their sons. It would seem like thrown suddenly into the darkest humiliation. From which they could never find an exit. Tortuously, along with their grown-ups, they would remain doomed for life. Who, now seen as lawbreakers for the rest of their lives?
One quick thought came to my mind, “What might have been the terrible mistakes of the parents’in bringing up their teenage sons. That had caused them to commit such atrocious crimes”. The three teenagers chained and concealed represent a huge lapse in controlling the youth. Was it the parents who have failed utterly in their responsibilities? Or the teenagers have outgrown, had become too cruel beyond the standard societal values.
Or the chemistry between the parents and the young ones had become too toxic. It could be because of the prejudiced parenting, at an early age, by the parents. I presume, resulted, as a consequence, to form a huge negative self-estimate as they keep coming of age.
Unfortunately, for most Indian parents’ parenting; one of the most important skills is a simple ‘follow the herd’ choice. The evidence of this herding instinct among parents is in pushing the children to pursue what is ‘popular or a status symbol.’ Sadly, it is never commensurate with the abilities and likes of a naïve child. In a hurry for popular‘education’ the ethical values and moral codes carelessly thrown out the window. Today, values are a forgotten theme, and in reality, this is the prevailing truth. And money – lots of it is the language of education.
I’m not surprised to see more graduates, professionals and well-educated reported as new thugs of our society. We can see a high incidence of converting themselves into anti-social elements in one form or other. They are without any remorse conducting any perverse act. In whichever way their wayward impulse intoxicates them. Raping, blackmailing, acid throwing, slashing, chain snatching, sexting, robbing, cybercrimes have become a new normal among them.
Never a week passed without the educators, policymakers, and women’s forums beating their chest and shrieking on the screens. And reams written in newspapers. The chorus is all about the rising crime graph in modernly educated households. When reporting the raising teenage afflicted crimes, it seems like “no news is bad news.”
I’m disheartened to read about such frequent aberrant felonies. And witness such a sad downward spiral in the outlook, attitudes or lunatic manners among our young adults. Who has to take the blame? Looking at this psychological rot seeping under the very fabric of our society? Is it the parents or teachers or educational institutions?
Not able to survive in the corrupted times. The old truths and moral orders are on the fast track to decay. Amidst this confused situations. There should be a way, for today’s teenager to shine his aptitude and attitude. Our collective responsibility is to hold a mirror of good, honest role models. That would be the best approach for them to emulate.
The Swiss philosopher Amiel said, “Every life is a profession of faith. Every man’s conduct is an unspoken sermon that is forever preaching to others”.
Young people never show a willingness to learn values, integrity, or standards by mere listening to wise sayings, or by reciting the sacred scripts. They turn out to be as futile attempts as like, “teaching fish to climb a tree.”We have to choose wisely our approach practically. Or else these activities are doomed to provide no favorable outcomes.
A strong family and the values maintained by the adults. An attitude of mutual respect, trust invested in ethics. These are the traits that go a long way to form a reservoir of hope, for the large, growing, confused crop of ‘youthful.’
They have to involve themselves to learn attitudes, habits, and self-confidence, self-control. That may occur through intimate interactions with their family members. A few close groups of adults surrounding them, like uncles, grandparents can become influential models. At the end of the day it is the home nurturance – an emotional compass every teenager must carry with him. That assists him to distinguish between right choices and immoral temptations.
When mostly children and young adults as they are growing. They unconsciously tag along with ethical or a few unethical people. They blindly follow what they ‘see but not what is told.’ That is why young people need models of what man at his best can be. Best schools, best educators, best teachers, best friends and above all good family to support this faith.
Teenagers should often find in their parents who wouldn’t push for mere qualifications. Who aren’t after popularity and simple tags for job requirement?
They ought to find themselves amidst actions, conversations, behaviors that support faith in one’s feelings. Freedom to pursue what their heart demands but not slaving for parents personal fads. (Read academic). They should move ahead in a reassuring ambiance that helps to find their voice and courage to stand alone when necessary. They should accumulate well-developed courage to pronounce a loud ‘NO.’When they see temptations that are strong enough to pull them into groups of errant peers.
We have to hear parents drumming into their teens, “I value personal integrity more than peer acceptance. I put personal decency more than the trending social norms”. We should hear the conversational narratives by adults like, “your safety is more precious to us and never fall prey to cheap fantasies popularised by peers and digital screens.”
Precisely, this should go on as a parent’s message to their teenaged sons. Who is stepping into a brash society replete with “boys have bikes and girls have freedom” generation? Parents have to remember this significant psychological recourse. Our children may not like our words but certainly respect our values, genuine support, and value our integrity.
A parent’s responsibility includes to set standards and put in place the family norms and values. The adults in the family should build proper conversational channels. To explain to them what we respect, what we expect.
Our casual yet reassuring dialogues should benefit the teenagers. It should help them find a way through the conflicting growing up years. And to see that it is easy for them to speak openly before parents. A natural atmosphere at home has to have an unconditional and mutually tolerable space. The language employed must be devoid of anger and arguments – that may invite resistance. The approach used must be a blend of understanding and one that preserves the teenager’s self-respect.
The intimacy that we seek from them while reaching out to explain our concerns should echo one quality. That the main aim is the individual limits -they have to check at all times. Help to create a good shade of character-building as a part of their personality. The whole family honors the code set up by the responsible adults.
The first basic rule of the family is: “Parents should know where their sons and daughters are while away from home. What they are doing and with whom they are spending their time”. In the implementation of the rules, parents need to be stern. The mediating approach should consider the distinction between feelings and acts. We are permissive when dealing with feelings and wishes. We restrict them once the unacceptable behavior is dominant in their daily conduct. This refereeing approach should lessen the anxiety of parents. And heighten the self-controlling obligation a teenager must accept.
Finally, the discipline, morals, ethical values cannot be demonstrated to our young at hearts, by simply referring to our past culture or holy epics. Or mere preaching or half-an-hour slots on TV screen colorfully portraying traditions. Following them, the needed adjustments may not be brought about. Today we are dealing with altogether a new generation. ‘i-Gen’ is the nomenclature they have chosen. In which ‘I’ in i-Gen represent ‘individualism. And technology is the changing and guiding agent for this new crop of youngsters.
This generation is remarkably strong physically but mentally and emotionally very vulnerable. Technology and other digital cultures may be harbingers of financial gains. But the responsibility to teach our teenagers morals and ethics and social graces fall upon their friendly guardians – the parents and the family culture – to uphold standards that create a safer society for all.