SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 13

SIBLING RIVALRY

One mother complains, “Can’t I have peace, witnessing brawls and disagreements has become my main activity in the home. More than a mother I feel I work more like a referee trying to mediate a truce among my two kids” With all the effort to try to help them out, I’m accused of being not fair, by favoring the younger sibling. How can I help myself to see that the two siblings get along well and bring about sanity at home and calmness to my mind?

Looking after two kids living under the same roof calling them to be cooperative, approve each other, seeing them as equals: to a parent it sounds like an impossible feat. Yet, to attempt to do something to induce harmony among the two kids would be an unrealistic expectation that may likely to leave any parent drained and defeated. It is to be gathered that when two kids are there a few conflicts, mix-ups are typically unavoidable.

Under these hard put conditions, the parent’s competency lies in realizing that kids need not like each other or restrain from getting along every minute of the day. The closer the kids in age, the more frequency are the differences and conflicts that crop up. The main concern of the parents must be to see that the kids learn the importance of respecting the feelings of each other and learn to become considerate of each one’s needs.

HOW TO REDUCE THE SIBLING COMPETITION:

Don’t label them. Avoid labeling one kid as ‘dumb’, ‘stupid’, ‘dull’ and another with an appreciative, ‘smart’, ‘hard worker’. Unknowingly, we parents create an open competition among sibs, thus instilling in them a sense of hatred over the one who is favored much. These labeling can be self-fulfilling and kids may choose to believe them and tend to remain with them through adulthood.

Encourage teamwork. Parents have to avoid this self-esteem damaging, and rivalry encouraging contests among kids. Help them to understand the importance of being cooperative and interdependency. There are no winners or losers but family is to be considered as one happy unit.

Recognise and encourage their special strengths and gifts. Each kid is special having his own way of demonstrating his identity while showing his eagerness to reveal his competency may also feel an urge to prove his advantage over the other sibling. To avoid this delicate situation parent have to acknowledge each child’s special talent that sets him apart from other siblings. For example, if one kid is good at art to see that he is provided with material and encouragement to take art classes. The feat of the parents lies in to identify and encourage each kid’s natural talent and see that the siblings don’t fight for recognition that they expect from the parents.

Encourage cooperation. As parents when you notice your kids working cooperatively sharing their duties and displaying a sense of understanding among themselves let them know that you are proud of their behavior. If the kids realize that their behavior is appreciated they are bound to repeat the same.